get away from all of this - justyn -

[AOFIE INDIA STAGE,]

Aofie flicked the little white tube in her hands impatiently. Over in the sink, there were already several little white tubes. Really, the were just beginning to irritate her. She wasn't one to show feelings of fear or upset, even when she was alone. Despite this, she knew that there would be a breaking moment and she'd crumble. It had to happen soon enough. She always had up this barrier and never let anybody in, not even Justyn.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror of the bathroom she was in. It was the bathroom of Justyn's tour bus. She liked it better there, it reminded her of him, even when he wasn't around, and she didn't like Justyn being on her bus, since it was so full of attractive girls. Turning sideways, she put her hands on her stomach. It was so perfectly flat. She had the body she'd always wanted, and she'd worked hard to get it. She faced the mirror again and looked at her flawless make up that she so carefully applied. In nine months time, would she have the time to do such trivial things? Would she even bother looking good any longer? Would she care enough to do it, because she'd be fat and ugly?

Aofie looked down at the tube that she held between her fingers. A little plus sign had popped up. She stared at it for a few moments, and the gritted her teeth, and threw it at an wall. This was the break-down. She held onto the edge of the sink and looked down, closing her eyes because she refused to let any tears spill down her cheek.

Before, she'd had a slither of hope that perhaps she wasn't pregnant, and the other three tests had been wrong. But after the fourth, she was pretty sure that it wasn't lying to her. It was also exceedingly unexpected considering she almost always had an implant in. It must've only been two or three times that they'd had sex without it. Never did she think that this would happen to her.

Not only was she feeling slightly depressed and scared abotu what was to come, but she was a little angry. It was Justyn's fault. She had sex a lot of the time to please him. If it were her decision, she'd be having sex with different guys. She'd never do it without contraception unless it was Justyn, because she felt as though if she didn't do what he wanted, he wouldn't want her any more. She needed him. He was what she'd been dreaming of for a long time, and now he'd caused what she'd have nightmares about to become a reality.

Slumping down against the wall, she looked down at her feet, and wiped away the tears that had finally trickled down her cheek with her palm. She heard footsteps, and quickly stood up, picking up the pregnancy tests and shoving them in the bin, trying to force the inevitable redness of her eyes to disappear.

~ this is shit but idc.

[JUSTYN EMIL THEROUX,]

This was the very position Justyn had never pictured himself in. A good while into a steady relationship; not only that but he had actually remained faithful, despite having Melrose right there on the bus with him. Granted, he and Aofie probably had more sex than was healthy, somewhere along the lines of, on average, twice a day. But that was only the average, as they did go some days without having sex. Justyn just figured it was what Aofie was used to, and he wasn’t about to turn it down if it was available. If you asked him, he had done her a favour. Sure, she had her standards, but god only knows who she had gone about fucking before they got together. But he didn’t care. He still liked her all the same.

The past couple of days had been a bit worrisome. Aofie spent most of her time with Justyn on the LP bus. It was almost comforting always having her there. Not that he needed comforting. It was always just easier not having to sleep alone. But she had been stirring at all hours of the night, seemingly troubled, and up at the crack of dawn for bathroom runs every 5 minute. He figured she was just sick...god what if she was pregnant? He forced the thought from his mind. That couldn’t happen to them. Not yet. He wasn’t even sure this was what he wanted yet? Despite dating for a while now, he and Aofie still hardly knew each other as people. So what would that mean? God, he wasn’t ready to settle down yet. So would this mean having to go and build a future now? In Justyn’s mind there was still no such thing as forever. So just what if? He shoved the thought way deep down in some dark place as he walked back to the bus.

He had gotten up early that morning, gently uncurling his arms from around Aofie. He did have to admit, she was cute when she slept. He left her asleep in bed while he went to go work on some tracks. He figured, or more sp was rather hoping that she’d be there when he got off work. He walked onto the bus seeing the bed empty and the bathroom door shut with a sliver of light coming from under the door. It was high time he got down to the bottom of the malady. He crossed to the door and tapped on it lightly knowing she was the only person who could be behind it. Everyone else had stayed back at the studio.
“Babe, are you okay?”

Notes:
Tags: Aofie!;
Word Count: 442
Outfit: Click!
Lyrics: Awolnation; Sail
Muse:

[AOFIE INDIA STAGE,]

Aofie heard a soft tap at the door. She wondered who it could be. She could just about handle it being anyone other than Melrose. She really hated that girl. Aofie always had the fear that she'd steal Justyn away from her. She thought that the paranoia would fade with time, but she was wrong. It was still there. She sort of wished that it wouldn't be Justyn too, even though she wanted comfort. It might've been stupid, but she was angry at him. She blamed him for this happening to her.

His voice followed. “Babe, are you okay?”

She couldn't help but feel happy hearing the sound of his voice; he had that effect on her a lot. That didn't change the fact that he'd ruined her life with his stupid fast-swimming and healthy sperm.

"Fuck off, Justyn! I fucking hate you so much!" Despite her words, she pulled the door open, looking down at her feet, hoping that he wouldn't be able to tell that anything was wrong, even though she'd just given it away by yelling at him. And, of course, he must have noticed that something was up considering she hadn't been sleeping well and spent almost every morning bent over the toilet throwing up.

She finally succumbed, and tears welled up in her eyes and trickled unwillingly down her cheek, no doubt ruining her make up already. Aofie continued to look down at her feet, assuming that he hadn't noticed the way her shoulder trembled slightly with her shaky breaths that came along with the tears.

"If you don't already know what's wrong, you might as well leave now."

She sort of hoped that he didn't know. Their relationship was going to be ruined whether he found out or not. If he didn't know, she could just go home and get her sister to help her, or find some old boyfriend to help her out. She was sure that many people would bend over backwards to help her. At the same time, she hoped that he did know. Then she wouldn't have to go through that awkward moment of telling him and wondering how he'd react.

She wanted him to know exactly what was wrong, and she wanted him to comfort her and tell her that he loves her at that nothing could ever hurt their relationship, that he doesn't care that she's pregnant. She wanted him to just understand everything without her having to tell him. But that would never happen. He was too much like her. It was strange that she liked him so much considering she disliked herself so passionately.

Refusing to look up from the ground, she leaned against the thin wall, trying to use that to hide herself a little from him.

[JUSTYN EMIL THEROUX,]

“Fuck off Justyn! I fucking hate you so much!”

Her words came as a bit of a shock, but he could hear they were full of pain and frustration. And that’s just what kept him from walking away. In any other situation, that kind of a reaction from a woman would have yielded a swift and careless goodbye. But not Aofie. She needed him. So instead he only inched back a centimeter or two as he heard the knob turn. Aofie’s desperate pleading face appeared in the threshold, averting her gaze toward the floor. Something behind that bathroom door had changed her. It was amazing how easily their peace was disturbed. He stared down at her, leaning his weight against the door frame, just wanting to hold her, but wasn’t sure if she would even allow it. He paid close attention to her body: the way her shoulder and breath shook. The way he could see that she was crying, despite not being able to see her eyes.

“If you don't already know what's wrong, you might as well leave now.”

Justyn quickly shoved together the edge pieces, ignoring the remaining of the puzzle, only taking into account her vanity, and recent inability to hold her food down.

“Oh my god babe. Why would you do this to yourself? You’re beautiful just how you are, and if you get any skinnier I could easily snap you by accident one of these days.”

He hugged her to him, but her unresponsive body told him he had it all terribly wrong. And then those dark impossible thoughts resurfaced. He held her at arm’s length, looking at her confused and disappointed expression. And then he gently nudged her shoulders aside seeing small blue boxes sticking out of the trash bin. He looked at the bin. And then he looked at her. And then back at the bin. He thought for a moment, and let the thoughts run full circle. He gazed at her, wide eyed, and a bit sick.

“Oh shit.” He stumbled back slumping on the edge of the bed. “Oh shit.” He ran his hands over his face. “Shit Aofie! You’re pregnant?! We can’t be pregnant! What the fuck are we gonna do with a baby?!”
He looked down, hands on his forehead with his elbows resting on his spread knees. He looked back up at her remembering that whatever he was feeling, she was probably coping with ten times that. He sighed, standing back up, prying her away from the wall as he pulled her to him by the waist. Justyn asked her the only question he was thinking of, hoping not to upset her too much.

“What do you wanna do with it?”

Notes: Trololol I'm at school
Tags: Aofie!;
Word Count: 454
Outfit: Click!
Lyrics: Awolnation; Sail
Muse:

[AOFIE INDIA STAGE,]

“Oh my god babe. Why would you do this to yourself? You’re beautiful just how you are, and if you get any skinnier I could easily snap you by accident one of these days.”

Aofie was a little confused at first. She didn't know what he was talking about. Quickly she understood that he must think she had some sort of eating disorder. She sighed, upset that he didn't understand, and a little annoyed that she'd now have to tell him. What would she say to him? She didn't want to tell him. He'd hate her. He wouldn't want anything to do with her.

He wrapped his arms around her, but she didn't hug him back. She barely even leant into his body, even though the warmth was comforting. He nudged her to the side a little, and then stumbled away from her.

“Oh shit,” he said, and Aofie realized that he'd figured out what was really wrong. He was mad at her, she could tell. She was just waiting for the words to come out of his mouth and for him to run off to Melrose instead. She thought about going over to sit beside him on the bed, purely because she just wanted to be close to him. She hated being stood alone, and a hug would really help her right then. But she didn't go over. Clearly he didn't want her over there, otherwise he wouldn't have stepped away in the first place. Instead, she remained half-concealed by the wall.

“Shit Aofie! You’re pregnant?! We can’t be pregnant! What the fuck are we gonna do with a baby?!”

At least the fact he used 'we' was reassuring. Maybe that meant that he did still want her. Thankful that he'd got up from the bed, she took a step towards him and put her arms around him, burying her face in his chest, feeling a little bad because her mascara would inevitably get on his shirt. At least he was wearing a dark jacket.

“What do you wanna do with it?”

She bit down on her lip rather too hard, and shook her head. What did she want to do with it? She didn't want a baby. She didn't want the pain, the stretch marks, the weight-gain, the non-existent sex-life... But at the same time she couldn't abort it. She didn't even agree with killing animals for meat, let alone killing a baby. Not only a baby, but her baby.

It seemed like the only place she was actually aware of was her stomach. She was imagining how terrible she'd look, and how she'd have to buy ugly maternity clothes, and the way she'd walk like a fat penguin. Everything would only get worse.

"I don't know," she said, a lot quieter ad shakier than usual. "You don't want it." She held onto him tighter, and lifted her gaze up to his for the first time since he'd knocked on the door. He certainly wasn't happy about it. "I... can't have a baby. But I can't get rid of it. What am I supposed to do? What do you want?"

There were so many worries running through her mind right now. She let a tear trickle down her cheek, and her brows furrowed. "You're not gonna abandon me, right? I'm scared..."

[JUSTYN EMIL THEROUX,]

He honestly didn’t know what to expect or think. This was a living breathing child they were talking about here. They couldn’t just take this lightly, as the two of them mostly did with a lot of things. Sure pregnancy wouldn’t be any fun for Aofie, but they couldn’t just get rid of it; then came the flashback of his mother in that dumpy Vegas apartment.

He was sure his parent’s hadn’t wanted a new baby then and there either. With both of them being full blown coke-heads, living on the salary of a call-girl, and having the father of the baby actually be one of his mother’s ‘customers’ they were in no position to bring that child into the world. But despite all of their apparent moral confrontations they were two of the most pro-life people Justyn had ever met, being where he probably got it from. His mother got clean for a few months, shaped up, and was ready to be a mother again. Justyn had lost all motherhood hope from himself, but maybe she’d be a better mother to little Liam; that’s what she had named him. And everything seemed to be looking up for them. That is until the day his father, in a coke-induce rage, convinced himself that she had been stealing money from the funds. One thing led to another, and as always, it got physical. The blunt force of Justyn’s father slamming his mother into that wall was the end of it all. His mother miscarried, and he was sure that any hope he had for a better family died with Liam.

"I don't know. You don't want it. I... can't have a baby. But I can't get rid of it. What am I supposed to do? What do you want?”

The one thing that could ever set Justyn straight just did. With Aofie in his arms he looked down at her. She didn’t know much about his mother, or his father, or baby Liam. He had told her bits of it, but the only person who really knew was Jace. Maybe one day he could tell her everything, and tell her how it changed him…because this was a big change he was about to make.

“Were keeping it,” he only muttered, sure that she hadn’t heard him because she was still talking into his chest.

"You're not gonna abandon me, right? I'm scared..."

He tilted her face up toward him.

“Of course not. Now look baby, I know this is really up to you but…” He sighed backing toward the bed with his hands now on her hips so he pulled her with him. He sat on the edge of the bed with Aofie standing between his legs. “But I really think we should keep it. Look babe. I know maybe we’re not in the best position to have a kid, and maybe we got a lot of shit to think about and do and hell we’ll have to work at so many things. But babe, I really think we could do that. We could do so much for this baby. Give it so much we never had. I’m scared too but we can do this.”

For that moment, Justyn felt like this could really be the beginning of one big permanent change. And maybe it’s what he needed.
With his hands still resting on her waist he leaned forward and kissed her still flat stomach.

“I love you Aofie.”

Notes: Tehehe at school again
Tags: Aofie!;
Word Count: 577
Outfit: Click!
Lyrics: Awolnation; Sail
Muse: