carlson " v e n o m " ashley diminuendo

[VENOM DIMINUENDO,]

---

DIMINUENDO, carlson venom a s h l e y

andy six -- venom ashley diminuendo

whats that in your head?
"a simple melody".

name: Bree
age: 15
roleplaying experience: 3 years..ish. oh idk.
roleplaying sample:

As a wise woman once said "Death is easy, life is harder." And in the case of Cloud Strife, that certainly was true.

He felt very lost, and very alone. There were certain things in life that he wanted so badly, but he just couldn't have them. One of those things was Justin Flyte. Cloud had liked him since the moment they met. He was what Cloud might call 'perfect'. Kind, funny, fun to be around, and really hot. But, of course, Justin was straight, and taken, so Cloud could never get him. He couldn't even kiss him. The strange thing was that Justin seemed completely oblivious to this fact. The only person that knew about his crush was Lightning, and Cloud didn't expect that she'd told anyone, so he'd be safe.

Then there was Topaz. She was all of those things, too, but somehow in a different way. All Cloud wanted to do was to protect Topaz, and to please her. He desperately wanted her to be happy, but it was difficult. She looked so much like Stephanie, making it hard for Cloud to tell if he liked her because of that or because he actually liked her. Probably the second option. He felt very strongly for Topaz, and although he listened to Stephanie's voicemail message every day, he was over her. She was just a bitch, and only made Cloud's life a misery.

On top of his relationship dilemma, there was the fact that he was, and always had been very self-loathing. Cloud felt as though his fate had been set in stone from the day his mother had died, and there was no way to change it now. Cloud was nothing but a waste of space. He thought that maybe the Goddess had put him on the world to balance out the happiness and sadness. Because, there were the people like Justin who were always happy, and so you needed somebody like Cloud to balance it out. Sort of like good and evil, they're always equal, and you can't have one without the other.

So Cloud needed to end it all. Tip things slightly off-balance for once. Do something for himself for the first time in months.

He was wearing his best clothes: black skinny jeans, a white shirt with evil-looking pandas on, and a black and green varsity jacket with a cat's face printed on the back. Cloud wanted to look good for this moment in time, because it would be his last.

He was going to go to the boys' bathroom to do it, but he saw Justin walk in as soon as he walked past. He'd counted on it being empty, since it was almost sunrise.. Obviously not. The only place he could think to go now was the girls' bathroom, and it was nearby, so he slipped in, hoping that nobody would be in there. And he was correct. It was completely empty. The perfect place.

His ran his hand along the black and white tiled wall, scuffing his feet against the wet floor. Why did his last moments have to be in such a dirty place? He must admit, it was a lot cleaner that the guys' bathroom.

Cloud looked in the mirror, and just stared at his face for a while. He turned on the tap, and filled the sink with water, and then splashed it on his face, cooling him down and washing away some of the beads of sweat that had formed on his forehead.

"Cloud, you've let this go on for far too long. Everyone's sun sets some day. Your sky will just turn black a little early.." he said to himself, trying to motivate himself to actually do the deed.

He walked over to the walk in showers, and unhooked one so that the strong wire fell out to its full length. He wrapped it around his neck to see if it would go the whole way around. It did. He hung it back up so that there was a loop in it, and pulled down hard on it to make sure that it was secure. He then turned and walked back towards the sink, his eyes filling with tears.

Cloud took off his varsity and threw it to the ground, pulling a pen-knife out of his pocket. He ran it slowly across his forearm so that blood spilled out, and the pain burned annoyingly at his skin. He repeated this several times, and then ran it up the length of his wrist, and repeated it on his other arm. They really hurt, but he ignored it, because he deserved the pain. He stuck the forefinger of his other hand in the blood, and brought it to the mirror. He moved his finger along the mucky glass, and began to write a message on it. He continued, scraping his finger through the blood several times to make the letters show up clearer. His fingers were getting covered in dirt and bacteria from the surface of the mirror, and he'd probably got some sort of infection swirling through his blood stream. He didn't care. Most of his blood was gone now, anyway. He felt very light-headed, and hastily finished writing the message.

Cloud's eyes were closing, and he felt as though he might fall over at any moment. He looked down at the little pools of blood at his feet from where the blood had trickled down his arms. His feet dragged through it, staining his best converse shoes a deep shade of red. He stumbled across the room, and reached the shower. He wrapped it around his neck, and then pulled, so that it became a lot tighter. His airways were cut off, and he couldn't breathe at all. Even if he'd wanted to, he wouldn't be able to. Strangely enough, he didn't panic at all. Perhaps because he felt dazed from the blood loss, or perhaps because he was willing to leave this world. He looked over to the message that was written in blood on the wall, and smiled a little at what he was leaving behind.

And so I leave this world, where the heart will either break, or turn to lead. Let's have no sadness, because there's nothing new in dying now. Lightning, Topaz.. Justin. I love you more than words can explain. Please don't miss me. I won't say goodbye, because we'll meet again, soon.

He reached an arm out towards the note, feeling completely at peace, and as though he was about to leave the world. He didn't feel quite the same, and everything was slightly foggy, as though somebody had turned on a smoke machine and filled his eyes with water.

He looked over to the door in alarm, and was sure that he saw Lightning. He hadn't meant for her to see him before he was dead. He screamed as all of his pain seemed to hit him at once, and suddenly, he wanted to stay. He thought to what he could have had. He could have told Justin how he felt. He could have helped Lightning with her life. He could have had a good life with Topaz. He just needed more control and more determination. He imagined what life would be like with the three of them: marrying Topaz and having kids, Justin as the best man; watching Lightning get married; watching Justin and Cris get married and having kids, which would not be enjoyable. But he could surely make it through that. He was strong enough to handle it.

Cloud tried to move his hands to the shower head to pull it from his neck, but he couldn't tell where his hands were. They moved slowly around, and then in a panic, fumbled around on the wall. His legs were hovering just above the ground, and he kicked them frantically, trying to touch the ground. He couldn't think what else to do. He had no energy left to move. He couldn't even see any more. He kicked his legs off from the wall, pushing himself forward in the hope that he'd fall free. His head was bent backward, and the last thing that he heard was the loud crack of his neck fracturing. Then he was gone.

Cloud's cold, dead body hung from the wall, swinging solemnly from the impact of his kick from the wall. His eyes were still wide open, and his hands still at his neck as he'd tried to escape the clutches of the shower handle. Blood was dripping from his arms, and also his neck from where he'd managed to cut himself in the struggle. All of his clothes were ruined, and he looked a mess for once. Most people would look peaceful after death, but not Cloud. He looked as though he'd been taken unwillingly from the world, and he was stuck halfway between life and death. There are just some mistakes that can't ever be undone..

when you think things are getting better
"remember we're best friends for never".

full name: carlson ashley diminuendo
nickname: venom
age: 22
band, position: go. no. stop!, lead guitar
sexual orientation: bisexual
hometown: london, england

this is the way out!
"this is my home now".

how did you get here: My life so far? Fuck it. I was raised in London by a bunch of complete idiots. Seriously, I mean, most people appreciate their heritage and all that crap. But not me. Okay, actually I suppose a lot of people on tour don't.. but whatever.

I mean, just think about it. London. Everyone over here's always going on about it. You'd seriously expect me to come from some massively rich family, and like, live next door to the queen, or something. But that is definitely not what my life used to be like. I lived on some dingy street right near the center of the city. My parents were never even in, they were always out dealing, or something, since that was the only way that they could get money. Stupid idiots had to go and lose their jobs, didn't they? Oh, and they got me into some serious drug shit. But man, I love the stuff. I'd be pissed or high every night. Now it's just.. every other night. So I pretty much did what I wanted as a teen. Yeah, I actually did go to school for the first sixteen boring years of my life. Obviously, I'd always wanted to be in a band, though. I enrolled into college at sixteen, but only went to like, three classes.. So obviously I failed that.

My life was clearly shit, so I moved away. The only things I took? A guitar, a toothbrush, and pretty much all the money I could find in my house. Oh, and a knife, but that got taken off me pretty quick. I took a plane to fucking Chicago. Who knows why? I just thought that sounded pretty cool even though I knew nothing about the place.

While in Chicago I bumped into some amazing people. We had all the same interests and that shit. I told them my name was Venom, that way I'd forget my old self.. Oh, and my accent slowly went away. So now I sound kinda normal and American. I think. I tried hard, anyway, I don't wanna sound like my parents.. Anyway, I was about seventeen at this point, I think. And we formed an amazing band. I'd always had a love for screamo, and apparently so did they. It was great. Back in London, everyone was a complete twat and listened to mainstream shit like Beyonce. Yeah, I was always weird and different like that, and never followed the crowd.. I just ignored the haters. Anyway, where was I? Right, the band.

So we actually had some people who liked our music, which was so cool. I loved doing shows. I'd always sort of envied Lucky, though. He's our lead singer. He's amazing at screaming. And I'd say that I'm pretty good, myself, but I'm too shy to actually let anyone know, I guess. Which is pretty weird for me, since I'm usually cocky and confident. So, yeah, Lucky became a really good friend of mine, and more and more like a brother as the years passed, but I wanted that spot so bad. I wanted to be the one in the limelight that everyone loved. Because all he could do was scream. I could sing and scream. Although, now that my feelings for him have changed, I've realized that he's amazing, and when you compare me to him, I suck. Lucky's perfect, I'm flawed.

I started thinking about creating a new band on my own, where I could be the lead singer. But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't leave my band mates, they were all so amazing. So I just sat back and plucked at my guitar.. And I got a bunch of tattoos and shit.. I'd already got some tattoos back in London, one of which is praying hands with the name "Amy" on.

Amy's the girl that I was in love with for the most of my entire life. She was the only person that I could really relate to, and I just had this urge to protect her, although that didn't go all that well. We did drugs and all that shit together, which I knew was harmful to both of our healths, but it was fun. Honestly, I thought that she was the personification of perfection. I still sort of do. It's really fucking hard to get feelings that strong to go away, as hard as you try. If I could, I'd just love Lucky, and get rid of my feelings for Amy, but it's not that easy. You know the hardest thing? She's actually on tour with us now. And I'm dating Lucky. Fuck is all I can say.

we're on a misson
"and we'll take our time".

likes:
-sex
-drugs
-girls
-..and guys
-singing
-screaming
-playing guitar
-parties
-the taste of blood
-pain
-drugs making the pain go away
-self-harming
-being on stage
-tattoos
-piercings
-hard core music
-black make up
-pissing off his band mates
-being a dick
-Lucky
dislikes:
-southern accents
-his parents
-people trying to control him
-rules
-people of authority
-sports
-anything mainstream
-preps
-prejudice
-people that are afraid to break the rules
-england
-having to choose between things