It All Started the Day You Kissed Me {Luke}

[AERYN MARIANA LIONFORD,]

Nineteen and still alone, things didn’t seem to change much for Aeryn Lionford in the past year, but the truth was that a lot of things weren’t what they used to be. Sure, she was still in the same rundown apartment that she lived in since she was an adolescent, and she was still blonde, petite, and had a passion for dancing, but in the last three years, she matured and grew quite a bit. To start off with, she was more decisive nowadays. She wasn’t terrified of the world and her mother’s suicide wasn’t her fault anymore. She wasn’t as dependent as she used to be and could make her own decisions like every other big girl, and it made her proud to see how much she progressed. She supposed that one of the biggest changes was that she was no longer a whore-in-the-making, and she wasn’t a starry-eyed teen who wanted love from a certain Lucas Rowland, though both could probably be attributed to the fact that he quite literally vanished off the face of the Earth. So perhaps not quite the world, but more specifically her world. While it had been her mother who was border-lining on simply throwing her onto a random street corner to sell sex, it was Luke who taught her what she knew now. She used to like to think of their little get-togethers as productive lessons necessary to know in life, though she now realized that it was just friends with benefits, though feelings did develop on her part. Then he disappeared, and she was more alone than she was before, and even though at first, his disappearance made it feel like her entire world fell apart, things fixed themselves eventually. She got herself a boyfriend who could sympathize with her grieving and a part time job as a dance instructor that helped her pay the bills, and though she was single now, it didn’t make her miserable. What mattered was that she had been able to break out of a mindset that seemed to consist of Luke, Luke, and more Luke in order to learn how to love someone else.

Of course, that didn’t mean her love of hitting night clubs changed. She always loved the party scene, and she supposed she would until the prospect of starting a family rooted itself within her mind. Not that it would be happening anytime soon. The girl still partied with random people and had occasional flings, but it was better when one considered that not too long ago, she did all that plus getting high and wasted on drugs and alcohol, only to wake up in the arms of faceless strangers, unable to recall anything that occurred the night before. She just wanted to run away from her life back then, but it was the past, and she had a future to look forward to now. After months and months of naggy text messages and whiny phone calls, she finally gave into Vienna’s demands that she join her on some sort of band tour, though music was never quite her forte. She could count the beats, obviously, but that little skill was just for dancing. It would be terrible if she didn’t have a sense of beat but wanted to dance.

At the moment, Aer was clad in a halter top and jean shorts, complimented by a pair of stilettos. It was one of the types of outfits she used to constantly wear so that she could attract guys, but since she ended limited her shameless flirting, she began to wear clothing that was more appropriate for whatever the weather was. It was winter at the moment, so one could question her current attire, but it was important to consider that she would be spending a lot of time within the club dancing. The club was heated, not to mention there was enough body heat to keep a nudist warm despite the temperature outside, so she was quite sure that she would pass out from a heat stroke of sorts if she decided to try dancing in a sweater. And of course, she had to dance. It was an absolute requirement, and often, it was her sole reason for entering a club.

Not being one to linger around one specific stranger for too long, every few minutes, Aer would switch dancing partners. Hanging around one person too long increased the risk that a conversation would start, and she really wasn’t too interested in befriending some sort of druggie at the moment. Every time it seemed like her dance partner was about to attempt to say something, she flashed a pretty smile before making a large spin to find a new dance partner. It really wasn’t too difficult to do when the dance floor was packed with bodies, and few people had enough of an attention span to focus on who they were dancing with. It was this lack on concentration and likelihood that clubbers would remember the night that made her feel like it was okay for her not to care. She didn’t look at faces and simply lost herself in the flow.

After one more dance, the blonde parted from the moving bodies and sat down in one of the chairs surrounding the bar area. She ordered a bottled Sprite, unwilling to trust anything from the fountain and reluctantly rested, eager to get back to dancing. She no longer danced until collapsing from exhaustion, though she often wanted to. It wasn’t so much that she was scared of pushing herself to her limits, because she had done it often in the past, but it was more like there was never anyone to catch her when she fell. She would simply fall and fall, and there was never anyone to help her up or carry her home. They never even bothered to inquire if she was okay, and while she used to be bitter about it, she wasn’t so petty anymore. Everyone had their lives, just like she had hers, and there weren’t any unwritten rules that required them to care of every person they every stumbled across. It was hard to accept, but Aeryn eventually accept it in order to move on with her life. Luke had been the only person she felt she could really bare her soul to, and even then, she felt that he would leave her behind as she loosened her grip on him. She was constantly using guilt trips and sob stories with heartbroken expressions, and then he did leave one year ago, and there was no one left for her to cry to, but even back then, though bitter, she didn’t blame him for walking away because she knew she would get tired of herself too. She felt like she would fall to pieces, but she still refused to blame him because she loved him. Now she was nineteen, love wasn’t as important to her as it was once, but she still didn’t blame him for anything, and honestly, she wasn’t even sure why she bothered with thinking about him anymore because she was so sure that he hardly thought of her, and she knew that the chances of his appearance in her life once again was highly unlikely. That was life though.

TAG. Luke
WORDS. 1,480
OUTFIT. -----
MUSIC. Won't Go Home Without You - Maroon 5
NOTES. So...yeah. I kind of said 500 to 600, but I obviously failed terribly and did way more :'D I promise I'll cut it down as we go on though. <.<
CREDITS. thread template belongs to jurate @ CAUTION, and banner belongs to halle @ CAUTION please don't steal!

[AERYN MARIANA LIONFORD,]

Glancing around the club, Aeryn searched for the people that came with her. In the past, she would always come with a group of friends and then leave alone because she was either getting lucky that night or she was just too exhausted to roam through the club to inform them that she was done partying. It wasn't as if they would remember or care anyway. To be honest, she didn't really even consider them her friends. She went from a normal girl to the one everyone pitied because of things happening at home that people always somehow heard about. Then she was simply a whore who wanted money, disregarding why she wanted it, and she would be pushed around and hated by angry girls. It was never too much of a surprise when she had scratches and bruises. Maybe she should have fought back like she knew Vie would have, and she sometimes did, but overall, she liked to see it as a proper punishment for what she was doing. It always felt like she was wrecking relationships, not just because the guy had cash, but because she couldn't hold onto one herself. It wasn't really that she couldn't hold onto a relationship though. It was the fact that she couldn't possibly ask for money from a guy she sincerely liked, and she highly doubted that there were many guys in the world who would be comfortable watching their girlfriends seduce other men to shake them down. That was the only reason why the blonde had few boyfriends to speak about despite the fact that she was definitely pretty enough to snag a few. That and the fact that she sleeping with Luke, of course. She wasn't sure how people knew about it, but the fact that they were friends with benefits contributed to her reputation as the school whore, but she was fine with being called that back then.

Though Luke didn't occupy Aeryn's every thought like when she was a desperate teenager, she did think of him. Sometimes she wondered if he actually got around to settling down yet. Back in high school, he was popular and practically radiated sex appeal, but he never dated, always opting for flings and one-night stands. It was rare to see him without at least one girl pressed close against him, and when she realized that she did have deeper feelings for him, it made her really jealous. It did give her comfort to know that she was the one he spent a lot of his nights with, but it would've been preferable it was only her. She knew that he dated a girl named Chelsea, and though she would tell anyone who asked her that she was no longer in love with him, there was no denying that she still felt a bit of jealousy whenever she thought about the brunette. She had randomly entered his life and managed to tie him down, but Aeryn could never even dream of achieving such a feat despite having known him since they were mere preteens. Of course, now it was more envy than jealousy, and she preferred not to think about that specific relationship anyway. If they really were still together, then she wished them the best of luck with their relationship, though if they had broken up already, she really couldn't say she was all that torn up over it. She would never admit that she secretly wished for the latter, of course. She wanted him to be happy, but just not with Chelsea. Really, anyone but Chelsea, and she couldn't explain why.

There was a bit of movement beside her, but she didn't deem it interesting enough to pay attention to. There were too many people and too few seats, so she could understand why a random stranger would sit next to her, but tonight, she wasn't looking for a fling or a temporary friend, so actually looking and seeing faces was unnecessary. She just wanted to party a little before going home and packing some bags to get ready to go on the tour with Vienna.

"Aeryn?"

Raising an eyebrow, the said blonde was surprised she heard the soft call of her name and turned, wondering who in the club could possibly be asking for her attention. It was actually a bit surprising that someone actually knew her name, though it wasn't too big of a deal. She wasn't any sort of recluse, so her name did tend to get passed around from the lips of acquaintances to strangers. For a second, she didn't recognize who it was. She was prepared to just flash a friendly smile and reply, 'Well hi there, random hooded guy! Do I know you?' The words died in her throat because she knew that face. She knew it like she knew the back of her hand. It may have been a year since she had last seen him, but her memories of him never faded. She tried to tell herself that it was just a guy who looked similar to Luke. She wanted to believe that he just had a surprising resemblance, and perhaps he knew her name because he overheard it. There was just no way that the person in front of her could be Lucas Rowland, and she wished it was true, but this was reality telling her that he was back, and she didn’t know how long he would be staying.

Aer desperately searched for the right thing to say, the right thing to do, but the only thing in her mind was blankness. There was so much that she wanted to say and ask, but she wasn’t sure how. There were a myriad of emotions that she wanted to convey, but she couldn’t force herself to move for fear that it would shatter what appeared to be a dream. One part of her wanted to tackle him to the floor in a tight hug, muttering that she missed him. Another part wanted to break down and sob and ask why he disappeared from her life without so much as a single word of good bye. She was also tempted to just slap him across the face and tell him that he wasn’t allowed to get involved in her life after so abruptly leaving it. In the end, none of them won out and she sat there, head turned, blonde hair falling over her shoulder, gaping unattractively. What exactly was a girl supposed to do after seeing the boy she had been in love with a year after he just up and left? She bit her lower lip, feeling her lip ring against her teeth, and she got it because he convinced her to. She also remembered that she refused to wear it for months after he left because it reminded her of him, and she wanted to forget that he ever existed in her life. She obviously didn’t forget. Offering a shaky smile, she asked a bit breathlessly, “Hey, Luke. Long time no see, right?” He always did take her breath away.

TAG. Luke
WORDS. 1,183
OUTFIT. -----
MUSIC. Saturday Night Fever - The BeeGees
NOTES. xD Shorter, but still a long post
CREDITS. thread template belongs to jurate @ CAUTION, and banner belongs to halle @ CAUTION please don't steal!

[AERYN MARIANA LIONFORD,]

Luke sounded shaky and nervous. Oddly enough, Aeryn was kind of touched that it was seeing her again that made him react like that. She wasn't a big enough drama queen to expect everyone to have some sort of overblown reaction toward her, but it was the fact that this was the Lucas Rowland who used to have her heart, and while she always thought he was cool and confident, she was the one shaking him up. It made her feel special that she was having that effect on him, and it felt like such a huge assurance that he didn't suddenly leave because she was unbearable to be around. Nonetheless, she didn't know how to act around him. A year was a long time, and she had changed. He knew the side of her who was submissive to her mother, who asked him to teach her everything she knew just so she could become a whore when she didn't want to, who fell him love with him and got desperate about it. She wasn't like that anymore, and though she often told herself that they're relationship was based on more than just sex, it was hard to truly believe.

The blonde froze up as Luke reached toward her, unsure of what he would do. She didn't expect a kiss, of course. That was more suited for reuniting lovers in sappy romance movies, and while they were sort of reuniting, they weren't lovers, and it wasn't a movie. She looked into his eyes and listened as he spoke and played with her lip ring, looking for some sort of sign to tell her that it would be okay for her to simply tackle him into a hug, asking for them to forget about how they hadn't even exchanged one word of communication when he left. She was okay with forgiving and forgetting, though the former was rather unnecessary because she was never angry in the first place. Upset, perhaps, but never angry. Not at him. Not for anything he could ever do. The previous options of slapping him silly and breaking down and sobbing had flown out of her mind because she knew she could never bring herself to hurt him, and sobbing like a baby wasn't cute anymore.

When his hand fell away from her face, Aer wanted nothing more than to just reach out and intertwine her fingers with his. It wasn't as if all the love she felt for him in the past simply came rushing out some sort of dam that had been broken when she saw him again, but she did still care about him. A year of separation didn't change that, and truthfully, she doubted he would ever be wiped clean from her mind. Even if he had disappeared for ten years, she knew she would still have thought back to their shared past and wondered how he was doing despite not wanting to, since she was always so sure that she wasn't important to him. The one thing that always remained in the back of her mind were her insecurities. She used to have a myriad of them, and even now, they still lingered in her thoughts. It wasn't quite as obvious, since she could act with a little more confidence nowadays, but they were there, and it seemed like a lot of hem used to revolve around Luke. She supposed it made sense because he had been one of the most important people in her life, and it always felt like he gave her the most mixed signals about what they were. She knew better now though.

Much to her surprise, Luke had ordered a soda, though perhaps it was surprising that she only had a Sprite in hand too. She used to be the party girl that drank until everything blurred into a huge slur of colors and flashes, but beer didn't appeal to her so much anymore. She accepted things in her life, so she didn't need to run anymore. There was no need for the escape that alcohol offered for her. It was weird though. They used to party together, have sex, and though not many words were exchanged, they were comfortable with it. She still managed to learn all the details of his life like how he knew hers, but now, it was just an awkward silence as they both tried to say the right things. It didn’t used to matter what was said because they both knew not to take things too personally. Things evidently changed, though Aeryn knew that already, but she just hoped that things weren't so different that they couldn't be close anymore. So maybe they never dated like she used to hope for, but that didn't mean they couldn't be friends. Friendship was always better than nothing.

Much to her surprise, Luke continued, and while she had expected that his first question would be the typical ‘how have you been,’ she never thought that his second would be an inquiry about her love life. A small part of her hoped that he was curious because he wanted her to be single and available. Maybe he was finally interested in being more than just friends. It was that one little thought that made her want to slap herself. She was supposed to be over him. It was supposed to be friendship and nothing more, and she hated that even though it was just a split-second, she still had a bit of hope for development in their relationship. She brushed off the feelings and told herself that his curiosity was just because marriage to a rich man was a goal in her life when she was younger. It was what her mother wanted, so it was what she always aimed for. Now her mother was gone, as was the necessity for riches. She wanted him to know that she wasn’t some borderline prostitute anymore. That she cared about a lot more than just money.

Knitting her eyebrows together, Aeryn gingerly reached out and gently held his hand. With a tiny, sad smile, she quietly asked him, “I don’t see a ring on my finger. Do you? The only thing I’ve done in the past year was date this one guy, but we broke up.” She knew that mentioning Cloud had been unnecessary, and once she did, she knew that he didn’t need to know that they broke up already. But she left him know anyway, and she honestly wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t as if she could keep it a secret from him though because they never kept anything from each other, and she didn’t want to be the one who started something like to attempt secrecy now. After all, he knew all of the deepest secrets she kept locked up inside. There was no reason why she should’ve been scared of mentioning Cloud.

TAG. Luke
WORDS. 1,149
OUTFIT. -----
MUSIC. Limits, Love Like Woah - The Ready Set, Please Don't Go -Mike Posner, Seventeen Forever - Metro Station
NOTES. You want to rant and ramble on about random things like me? Why? :'D
CREDITS. thread template belongs to jurate @ CAUTION, and banner belongs to halle @ CAUTION please don't steal!

[AERYN MARIANA LIONFORD,]

Normalcy. It was a double-edged blade. Aeryn liked that everything was falling back into place, but at the same time, she hated it. She liked normal because then she could function. She knew how to move, what to say, how to act. Normal was comfort that sheltered her and protected her with its familiarity. Of course, that wasn’t to say that normal was the best thing in the world. Normal meant that she and Luke were still just friends. They would flirt and party and drink together because that’s what they knew, and they would have sex because they both liked it and having each other around was convenient. But they could also talk without breaks in between the conversation as they searched for ways to break the ice that had frozen over. The words came easily, and the mood was light and easy. Having that part of their relationship return was pleasant, but she was a bit disappointed, and she couldn’t—or maybe it was more like she wouldn’t—explain why she felt that way. She had told herself that all she wanted was friendship, and that was what he was offering, but something in her heart protested that there should have been something more between them. He went from a crush to a play thing to a friend with benefits, and then he became her unrequited love, and she wondered what they were supposed to be now. She wanted something new, something they had never been before, but she didn’t dare think that they could ever be lovers.

Not that Aeryn was proud of it, but at one point in their lives, he had been nothing more to her than someone who knew how to make her burn for him. He knew all the right words and all the right things to do to make her feel like she was in heaven, and she loved it. When they first met, he had been the one who made her heart skip a beat. She wondered how such an innocent little crush could turn into something so twisted. The butterflies in her stomach turned into the desire to just be pressed up against him. She wanted to know how everything started to revolve around sex. He was like a drug she couldn’t quit because no other guy could compare to the way he made her feel, and she questioned if she even realized he was a human being back then. All she knew was sex, seduction, and money, and perhaps it was the latter two that allowed a friendship to sprout from their purely physical relationship.

Of course, they had always claimed to be friends even before sex, but that was just a formality so things wouldn’t seem as scandalous. The reality was that their friendship had been nominal, but that changed. Somehow they had managed to keep their hands off each other long enough to communicate, and though progress had been slow, they really did become friends. They exchanged secrets and shared happiness, sorrow and misery with each other. Then her mother committed suicide, and things fell apart because people knew the story already. She fell in love with him, and he left, and sometimes she wondered. Maybe it was just time she learned how to be a real friend because love didn’t seem to be in their futures. It was time to give it up. All of the love and attachment, all the pining she did, all of it. Perhaps it was just time that she blew out the tiny flame that still burned for him because there didn’t seem to be a point in wasting hope anymore. It was time to move on. She knew it. Anyone who knew about what happened would suggest it. Aer just couldn’t do it though. It was like pitting her mind against her heart, logic against emotion, and she had never been good at anything except escape, but how was she supposed to escape herself? She didn’t have the answer, and she doubted she ever would.

Upon seeing the relief flooding into his expression at the confirmation of her status as a single young woman, the blonde dancer couldn’t help but to wonder if perhaps he had thoughts of their relationship developing into more also. She was tempted to ask, but in the end, she simply couldn’t. The awkwardness was finally begun to fade, and she didn’t want to ruin it by opening her mouth to blurt out something like some sort of tactless buffoon. She simply let go of the thought, unwilling to allow it to settle in the recesses of her mind. He was back, and that was all that mattered. She wished that just telling herself would make it true.

“ Sorry, Love- Er. Aer. I just thought you'd be that wild party girl who….Well, babe, lets party and maybe head back to the apartment.”

Deciding not to question what he had been about to call her, she forced herself not to linger on that one word, allowing a soft laugh to escape her lips at his imitation of a slurred voice. Smile still evident, she replied, “Things haven’t changed much. You actually sort of missed that wild party girl side. For a while, I would get wasted on anything I got my hands on. Ecstasy, pot, you name it. I probably did it while mixing it with beer or something. Now I’m back to the party girl you were familiar with. You know, party hard, dance until I can’t stand, hit on guys, and get a little tipsy. I just have to be sober tonight though. I need to get my bags packed because I won’t be around New York for too much longer.” She offered a small cheer because she was finally leaving behind her rinky-dink little city for something new. She was leaving behind the place that caused her a lot of pain and suffering, but it was this place where she made a myriad of memories, and she would miss New York City because of that.

Giving the club a fraction of her attention for a split-second, Aeryn heard an upbeat song begin to blast through the stereo system. The speakers pounded and the music was nearly tangible. The lights flashed, and it seemed like the party scene was the only thing that had ever been a constant in her life. She knew this place, and she knew it well. She knew she would miss it when the excitement of leaving her hometown wore off. Standing up, she set down her Sprite and rested her hands on Luke’s shoulders. Her smile had shifted down the spectrum toward the seductive one that she usually flashed at men she wanted to con money out of, even though seducing Luke wasn’t her intention at the moment. Leaning a bit closer, she asked, “Care to dance with me? For old time’s sake?" And technically, he had never danced with her before in the past, but he did know that she had a passion for it, and for tonight, she wanted to show him that it was one of the few talents she had. She wanted him to know that her life didn’t just revolve sex and money because that was her back then, and right now, he was important to her, and so was dancing.

TAG. Luke
WORDS. 1,228
OUTFIT. -----
MUSIC. Chain Reaction, Blind, Save Me - Ke$ha, Body Control - Leighton Meester
NOTES. Psh, I love your posts. Mine feel like unending drabble.
CREDITS. thread template belongs to jurate @ CAUTION, and banner belongs to halle @ CAUTION please don't steal!