ACKERMAN, jonah hayze

[JONAH HAYZE ACKERMAN,]

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ACKERMAN, jonah hayze

christofer drew ingle -- jonah hayze ackerman

whats that in your head?
"a simple melody".

name: bree
age: 15
roleplaying experience: 15 years exactly.
roleplaying sample:

As a wise woman once said "Death is easy, life is harder." And in the case of Cloud Strife, that certainly was true.

He felt very lost, and very alone. There were certain things in life that he wanted so badly, but he just couldn't have them. One of those things was Justin Flyte. Cloud had liked him since the moment they met. He was what Cloud might call 'perfect'. Kind, funny, fun to be around, and really hot. But, of course, Justin was straight, and taken, so Cloud could never get him. He couldn't even kiss him. The strange thing was that Justin seemed completely oblivious to this fact. The only person that knew about his crush was Lightning, and Cloud didn't expect that she'd told anyone, so he'd be safe.

Then there was Topaz. She was all of those things, too, but somehow in a different way. All Cloud wanted to do was to protect Topaz, and to please her. He desperately wanted her to be happy, but it was difficult. She looked so much like Stephanie, making it hard for Cloud to tell if he liked her because of that or because he actually liked her. Probably the second option. He felt very strongly for Topaz, and although he listened to Stephanie's voicemail message every day, he was over her. She was just a bitch, and only made Cloud's life a misery.

On top of his relationship dilemma, there was the fact that he was, and always had been very self-loathing. Cloud felt as though his fate had been set in stone from the day his mother had died, and there was no way to change it now. Cloud was nothing but a waste of space. He thought that maybe the Goddess had put him on the world to balance out the happiness and sadness. Because, there were the people like Justin who were always happy, and so you needed somebody like Cloud to balance it out. Sort of like good and evil, they're always equal, and you can't have one without the other.

So Cloud needed to end it all. Tip things slightly off-balance for once. Do something for himself for the first time in months.

He was wearing his best clothes: black skinny jeans, a white shirt with evil-looking pandas on, and a black and green varsity jacket with a cat's face printed on the back. Cloud wanted to look good for this moment in time, because it would be his last.

He was going to go to the boys' bathroom to do it, but he saw Justin walk in as soon as he walked past. He'd counted on it being empty, since it was almost sunrise.. Obviously not. The only place he could think to go now was the girls' bathroom, and it was nearby, so he slipped in, hoping that nobody would be in there. And he was correct. It was completely empty. The perfect place.

His ran his hand along the black and white tiled wall, scuffing his feet against the wet floor. Why did his last moments have to be in such a dirty place? He must admit, it was a lot cleaner that the guys' bathroom.

Cloud looked in the mirror, and just stared at his face for a while. He turned on the tap, and filled the sink with water, and then splashed it on his face, cooling him down and washing away some of the beads of sweat that had formed on his forehead.

"Cloud, you've let this go on for far too long. Everyone's sun sets some day. Your sky will just turn black a little early.." he said to himself, trying to motivate himself to actually do the deed.

He walked over to the walk in showers, and unhooked one so that the strong wire fell out to its full length. He wrapped it around his neck to see if it would go the whole way around. It did. He hung it back up so that there was a loop in it, and pulled down hard on it to make sure that it was secure. He then turned and walked back towards the sink, his eyes filling with tears.

Cloud took off his varsity and threw it to the ground, pulling a pen-knife out of his pocket. He ran it slowly across his forearm so that blood spilled out, and the pain burned annoyingly at his skin. He repeated this several times, and then ran it up the length of his wrist, and repeated it on his other arm. They really hurt, but he ignored it, because he deserved the pain. He stuck the forefinger of his other hand in the blood, and brought it to the mirror. He moved his finger along the mucky glass, and began to write a message on it. He continued, scraping his finger through the blood several times to make the letters show up clearer. His fingers were getting covered in dirt and bacteria from the surface of the mirror, and he'd probably got some sort of infection swirling through his blood stream. He didn't care. Most of his blood was gone now, anyway. He felt very light-headed, and hastily finished writing the message.

Cloud's eyes were closing, and he felt as though he might fall over at any moment. He looked down at the little pools of blood at his feet from where the blood had trickled down his arms. His feet dragged through it, staining his best converse shoes a deep shade of red. He stumbled across the room, and reached the shower. He wrapped it around his neck, and then pulled, so that it became a lot tighter. His airways were cut off, and he couldn't breathe at all. Even if he'd wanted to, he wouldn't be able to. Strangely enough, he didn't panic at all. Perhaps because he felt dazed from the blood loss, or perhaps because he was willing to leave this world. He looked over to the message that was written in blood on the wall, and smiled a little at what he was leaving behind.

And so I leave this world, where the heart will either break, or turn to lead. Let's have no sadness, because there's nothing new in dying now. Lightning, Topaz.. Justin. I love you more than words can explain. Please don't miss me. I won't say goodbye, because we'll meet again, soon.

He reached an arm out towards the note, feeling completely at peace, and as though he was about to leave the world. He didn't feel quite the same, and everything was slightly foggy, as though somebody had turned on a smoke machine and filled his eyes with water.

He looked over to the door in alarm, and was sure that he saw Lightning. He hadn't meant for her to see him before he was dead. He screamed as all of his pain seemed to hit him at once, and suddenly, he wanted to stay. He thought to what he could have had. He could have told Justin how he felt. He could have helped Lightning with her life. He could have had a good life with Topaz. He just needed more control and more determination. He imagined what life would be like with the three of them: marrying Topaz and having kids, Justin as the best man; watching Lightning get married; watching Justin and Cris get married and having kids, which would not be enjoyable. But he could surely make it through that. He was strong enough to handle it.

Cloud tried to move his hands to the shower head to pull it from his neck, but he couldn't tell where his hands were. They moved slowly around, and then in a panic, fumbled around on the wall. His legs were hovering just above the ground, and he kicked them frantically, trying to touch the ground. He couldn't think what else to do. He had no energy left to move. He couldn't even see any more. He kicked his legs off from the wall, pushing himself forward in the hope that he'd fall free. His head was bent backward, and the last thing that he heard was the loud crack of his neck fracturing. Then he was gone.

Cloud's cold, dead body hung from the wall, swinging solemnly from the impact of his kick from the wall. His eyes were still wide open, and his hands still at his neck as he'd tried to escape the clutches of the shower handle. Blood was dripping from his arms, and also his neck from where he'd managed to cut himself in the struggle. All of his clothes were ruined, and he looked a mess for once. Most people would look peaceful after death, but not Cloud. He looked as though he'd been taken unwillingly from the world, and he was stuck halfway between life and death. There are just some mistakes that can't ever be undone..

when you think things are getting better
"remember we're best friends for never".

full name: jonah hayze ackerman
nickname: jo / hayze
age: 19
band, position: it's all love - singer
sexual orientation: bisexual
hometown: austin, texas

this is the way out!
"this is my home now".

how did you get here:

I was born and raised in Austin, Texas by my mother, father and three sisters. Of all of my family I'd say I was closest to my dad. Maybe that's because he was the only other guy in the family, or maybe it was because he seemed to be the only one that ever understood me.

At a young age, inspired by my father, I developed an obsession for singing and playing guitar. We used to write songs together. Looking back, it was mainly him that wrote them, and anything I contributed really sucked, but I was very young back then. I'd like to think that I've improved a little since... I was only working in an attic then. My dad used to tell me that the attic was our place; only we were allowed in there. Our relationship was so strong, I even wanted to start a band with him.

Then, when I was ten, he passed away quite suddenly. I hadn't expected it so soon. I'd thought we'd be together for a long time, and we'd remain best friends for the rest of my life. But everybody dies, even somebody that seemed so invincible as my dad. It's still hard to believe that he's really gone though. Even after he'd passed I used to go up to our attic and write songs. I was really putting feeling into the music then, because I was so upset. I think that's when I started to improve. I could play the ukulele, the piano, the harmonica and the drums, so I wrote songs on those in his honor.

Our house was just a reminder of him. I was reluctant to move away and to Houston, because I was so unwilling to let him go. I wanted to live in our attic for the rest of my life, because when I was there, it felt like he was with me. I guess moving away was a good thing though. I got over him eventually, and started up a band in his honor called It's All Love. My band's now replaced the attic, and it's now my whole life. They're a little group of hippies, just like my dad was. Even now, it feels like he's still watching over me, helping me with the music.

we're on a misson
"and we'll take our time".

likes: music, having fun, road trips, dancing, singing, playing instruments, animals, making friends, making people laugh, watching movies, candy.
dislikes: up-tight people, grown ups, violence, war, arguments, drinking, guys who are obsessed with sex, people who think that he’s gay, haters, people with low self esteem.